Mental wellness Diary Day 1

 Day 1 of my record - Is it a good day ?

So as some of you know me as T and Tara, I'm also someone whom suffers with a host of mental health issues and chronic illness. I don't like to often bring that to the table as well there is something in me that likes to think its not what I'm about and I'm not one to label myself. I like to think I'm approachable and I can be a good friend to those whom are often in need or just like myself need an ear from time to time. I tend not to apply that sometimes as I find I feel like a burden a lot of the time given my past life as I say. I'm trying to move away from all that negative hurtful pain but it finds its way inside and seems to somehow rip the band aid off more often then not. 

So I will say without too much detail yet that I'm a survivor of Childhood parental Abuse, Sexual abuse and also Trauma from many a bad relationship plus other things contribute to my mental health issues. Why am I writing this you may ask, which is a fair question. I want to be accountable for one to myself that I am keeping in check and as much as I can prevent the bad coping mechanisms I have which primarily are Self harm. I don't want to say more on that as I don't want to trigger other people. Secondly maybe this might help others and people whom do know me to understand me a little better and how I function so its not seen as a slight or me being in any way funny. I know its probably a non issue but this is how I think. 

I put it as I have a little devil in my head whom loves and lives to tell me how useless and unworthy I am all the time and I know this voice came about from years of being told it as a child. I know I can be irrational and sometimes I see things that are not there but this little voice just loves me to think the very worst of myself. I know I hide this all very well with a mask of being happy all the time and upbeat but Its always there.. dormant at times and sometimes its like he is having a little rave in my head going 10 to the dozen with his rhetoric. 

So this is my Mental Health Diary Introduction. I will be posting these regularly and I will be warning that if these post can be triggering then please do just keep to the other posts, as my main aim with these posts is more as a diary for myself but hopefully it will help people get to know me more. As I'm rarely open and I just would like to be more open. It might help to not have the Anxiety build so much and make me feel like I'm an outsider on my own life too. I often feel like I'm the spare wheel to many groups I'm in and whilst I'm recognizable I also do sometimes feel like at times maybe I'm avoidable too. That's my little demon talking again. I just hope this provides as a form of therapy for me to be able to document something so I can move forwards in some small way. Yet I don't want to be treated differently either.. hard catch 22 that one. 

Also if you are needing support I have put some links below 

Mental Health Support A-Z UK

Mental Health Support USA